Admission.

(May 4, 2012)

Last night has been an eye-opener on so many different levels.

Perhaps I've only been mildly aware, if not in complete denial, of the things that were said to me. Of things I didn't consider to be "problem areas" but others have noticed. Only after these things have been brought to my attention did I realize that denial can only take a person so far, and it will not make things go away. I feel as if I am a struggling alcoholic, and I've drowned myself with the liquor that is my false notion of contentment. I will be more than relieved to get myself out from that rut. And so begins the Twelve-Step Program to my recovery, the first of which is Admission. That I was not in control of my faculties, and that I was powerless over my compulsion to think that what I've been doing seems to be working.

I admit. Something is terribly, terribly wrong. With my projection towards others. With my outlook and perspective in life. With my wants and needs. With my likes and loves and lack thereof. With me, in general. And I feel bad because of it. It sucks that I don't have things figured out.

And so starting today, I will make a few adjustments.

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